would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
