what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
