cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
