..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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