She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
