It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
