i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
