In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
