Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
