So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
