so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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