he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
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