there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
