Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
