Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
