i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
