Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
