yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
