My first STD was from a foam party
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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