first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
