i just wanna soil my oats bro
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
