I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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