Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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