Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my mouth tastes like poor choices
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
