Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
