Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
