Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
