I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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