okay pat passed out under dana's car
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
