This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
