who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
