Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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