I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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