if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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