How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
