And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
