It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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