It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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