mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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