it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
