He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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