dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
