I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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