my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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