I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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