I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
