So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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