i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Houston, we have a blender
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
