At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
