I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
