when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
no you cant smoke seaweed
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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