my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
