Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
