Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We just shotgunned beers for America
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
